The Folly of Speaking Before Listening
Proverbs 18:13 CSB – The one who gives an answer before he listens- this is foolishness and disgrace for him.
Let’s consider this wisdom. Wow. So the proverb right um is right between the eyes spouting off before knowing the facts which would mean we are operating in assumption or deception and that is foolish but not rooted in reality.
Proverbs 18:13.
Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.
So how is that for a mirror on our own lives?
That's one to ponder and take to heart deep inside of our souls.
Now as we consider this proverb, it is focused on spouting off before listening to the facts and it claims rather clearly that this is both shameful and foolish.
Like from a practical perspective, what are we being told about our assumptions and deceptions?
We're being told to listen and to be careful.
Listen closely before we open our mouth to speak a word of judgment when we do not have the facts.
How often have we spoken prematurely?
How often have we spoken before listening?
Perhaps you haven't, but perhaps, upon reflection, you will discover that you have.
Have you ever offered advice without listening first in you life?
Consider how this is foolish and is shameful and it's also completely counterproductive.
It doesn't help.
It makes the person that we're speaking to or speaking about feel worse or be perceived in a worse light when we don't have the facts.
So, we're not in reality.
We're making up what we think is real, but we do not know. And that shuts down anybody being heard. And, that stirs up misunderstanding, which stirs up injustice, which stirs up so much bitterness.
And it also elevates us in a superior position so that we can be detached from it all, not actually realize the damage that we're doing.
So the next time we're in a situation where maybe we have the opportunity to give counsel or we have the opportunity to dispense gossip, maybe we should listen to Proverbs 18:13.
Our conversation is supposed to be building up. It's supposed to be understanding. It's supposed to be mutual. It's supposed to benefit all of us.
And when we're just battling over who gets to be right, not who gets to be redeemed, we are being intentionally destructive and that does not grow relationships, it destroys them.
And so it is likely that every single one of us is guilty of this.
We have a tendency to hate gaps in our realities. And instead of doing the work, to fill in the blanks with the truth, we're willing to make up things and that is called an assumption.
And that can lead us into complete deception. And that leads us on a path to destruction.
So this isn't just a a small issue of behavior. This is a very very very deep deep thing that affects us very profoundly across the board in our relationships with our spouse, in our relationships with our children, in our relationships with our communities, in the workplace, in our municipalities, in our states, in our nations, in our governments.
So it has has to start somewhere. It has to start with us.
We have to stop doing that before we just judge everybody else for doing that.
Prayer
And so, Holy Spirit, come and help us stop doing that. Help us to do the work of understanding, the work of coming together mutually and tuning ourselves to each other and our perceptions and our feelings, and allow us to acknowledge them, so that we might sit in the other person's shoes that we might grow in our own understanding that we might live more safe and true lives.
We ask in the name of Jesus
Amen.
Reflection
Let’s continue to unpack this really powerful piece of wisdom that speaks directly to our assumptions, and how critical it is to actually listen.
Proverbs 18:13 gives us such a sharp way to look at communication problems.
Our objective is to explore why gathering information, like really evaluating it before you speak with authority, well, it isn't just good manners. It's crucial.
And we want to focus a bit on its impact in family conflict because that's where these unchecked assumptions can explode into really destructive stuff. It just eats away at harmony and trust.
The core message from Proverbs 18:13 is spouting off before listening to the facts, and how this is both shameful and foolish.
So what's the real impact of that for you?
Filling gaps with shortcuts
Well, if you connect it to like the bigger picture of how we operate, it's about this tendency we all have to fill in the gaps when we don't know something,
And in instead of pausing, finding out the facts, our minds just make a leap, we create this version of reality that well, it might not be true at all. It's like a mental shortcut.
And this proverb is warning us that reacting based on those shortcuts, those assumptions, it's not just awkward, it's genuinely damaging.
Jumping in, maybe offering advice or forming an opinion without really really listening first or truly understanding the information that has been assembled. It happens so easily.
And Proverbs 18:13 calls it foolish, shameful, counterproductive. Why those specific words, do you think? What's the why behind that judgment?
Well, that raises a key point, doesn't it? When we create our own story without the facts, we basically slam the door on real understanding.
Uh psychologists talk about things like confirmation bias or you look for stuff that fits what you already think. Or, you start that journey of blaming someone's character instead of carefully considering their situation.
These mental shortcuts, the proverb points out, they stir up misunderstanding. They lead to injustice. Bitterness. Especially in families.
Think about an argument at home. Someone assumes the worst bad intentions, has incorrectly formed assumption based on partial information or observations without hearing the full story.
That's where the harm sinks in deep.
You get discord, distrust, it stops being about understanding each other and becomes this this battle. Who is right versus who's wrong and a battle to hold a specific position based on misinterpreted or incomplete information where observations are incomplete and faulty assumptions have filled in the gaps.
How we fill in the gaps
Okay, here's where it gets challenging. This idea that we sort of hate gaps in what we know and we try to resolve those gaps. But how we do that matters.
Instead of doing the hard work of filling those gaps with truth, we'll just invent something, an assumption.
It's like our brains just can't stand a vacuum.
And this isn't just a minor habit. Proverbs 18:13 really emphases this is a deep fundamental thing that affects all our relationships, all of them.
Your spouse, your kids, your entire family.
This path of assuming things, if you don't check it, if you don't challenge it can honestly snowball. It can lead to complete misunderstanding and frankly just destruction in relationships where trust is everything. It digs pits where you should be building bridges.
Wow. So, okay. What's the takeaway for us then for you listening? It sounds like this has to start with us individually.
Taking responsibility
It has to start with taking that personal responsibility, doing the work to understand, to really tune in to how other people see things and the true circumstances that are present in the situation, and not presumptions of created or presumed circumstances.
Listening
It's about truly listening, actively trying to acknowledge and understand where someone else is coming from, trying to sit in their shoes for a moment and building empathy, too.
This deepens our own understanding and it also builds that foundation of trust and respect. It lets us live more authentically, engage in truth and wisdom. And it is definitely more harmonious, especially in those close family ties where assumptions can really, really sting.
Really something to think about to take to heart in well, probably every conversation you have.
Keep listening, keep learning, and maybe try to pause before, you spout off without all the facts.
❤️❤️❤️